I have been working so hard for the last couple of weeks for an ambitious goal. It’s not for anyone. Just me and my insane idea of putting up a fun (but credible) keepsake for my first year in med school.

I can’t talk about it, but the idea was easy. At first. And now that I have started it, I feel like giving up already. Every time I continue to work on it, a lot of alternative ways/ideas just begin to pop in my head telling me to stop the crap because there are a lot of other [easier] ways on how to do it. But then I keep telling myself not to because I have started and I have done so much already. Patience. But I’m tired. My hands are tired.

Then I stop typing. I look away from the monitor and space out. Thinking. When I become a doctor, is this the way how I’m going to decide for myself? That I’m tired already? How will I be able to last in an institution where people just keeps moving, stays alert all the time, awake for days? What I am trying to achieve is out of the ordinary. I can’t finish all these before the classes start. But on my way to reaching this goal, I feel like this is just like med school. A tiny version of it. I set an ambitious goal and then try to do everything to achieve it.

Maybe this is how I am going to be as a doctor. Ambitious. Full of new ideas. Ideas that are out of the box.

My motivation then, is the idea that I am responsible for this. For everything I’m doing. I wanted this. And I started it. There is no giving up. No turning back.